Listening to Understand
How to make someone feel heard
Reflect what they said and how they feel in one line, before you add anything of your own.
How to do it
Say the content back in your own words, then name the feeling under it. Repeating their exact words is parroting, and people can tell the difference instantly.
Paraphrase
Their point, in your words.
Mirror
The feeling underneath.
Stop
Let them confirm or correct.
What it sounds like
Client
“We tried something like this before and it flopped. I want to move forward, but I keep thinking about last time.”
You
“So part of you is ready to go again, and part is still carrying what happened. Did I get that right?”
Practise it
Robin Hale, client
“Honestly, the last vendor burned us badly. I want to believe this is different, but I've been here before.”
Reflect the content and the feeling both. Do not reassure or solve yet.
A strong answer: “So you want this to be different, and you're bracing in case it isn't, because last time cost you. That about right?”
Free in your browser. Speak for 60 seconds and get feedback.
The short version
Paraphrase, mirror, stop. People open up to someone who clearly got it.
Practise it every day
This is one lesson from the Listening to Understand course in the Insight7 app, with a roleplay to rehearse the real conversation.