Listening to Understand
How to use silence to get the real answer
A three-second pause after a vague answer invites the honest one.
How to do it
Ask, then count to three. Say nothing.
Two moments are worth a deliberate pause: right after you ask, and right after they answer. Hold either one and the truer thing tends to arrive on its own.
What it sounds like
Report
“Biggest risk? Probably the timeline.”
You
“(you stay quiet for three seconds)”
Practise it
Dana Cole, direct report
“My workload? It's fine, I've got it handled.”
Do not fill the silence. Let a pause sit, then respond in a way that leaves room for more.
A strong answer: “(pause) You said fine, but you paused before it. What's the part that's actually heavy right now?”
Free in your browser. Speak for 60 seconds and get feedback.
The short version
Ask, then wait. The quiet surfaces more than the question did.
Practise it every day
This is one lesson from the Listening to Understand course in the Insight7 app, with a roleplay to rehearse the real conversation.