Speaking With Empathy
How to apologize after you’ve hurt someone
Own the harm cleanly, without excuses, so trust can actually come back.
How to do it
No "but," no "if." A clean repair names the thing, owns the impact, and changes something. The apology is the easy part, the change is what rebuilds trust.
Name it
Say the specific thing you did, plainly. "I cut you off in the review and talked over your point." Not "if I came across a certain way."
Own the impact
Acknowledge what it cost them, no defense attached. "That made you look small in front of the team, and that's on me." Skip the reasons.
Commit to the change
Name the different thing you'll do. "Next review, I'll hold my comments until you've finished." A promise you can actually keep.
What it sounds like
Colleague
“It's fine, I just won't bring ideas to that group anymore.”
You
“I shot down your idea in front of everyone before I even heard it out. That was unfair, and I get why you'd pull back. Next time I'll hear the whole thing before I react.”
Practise it
Hassan Vale, teammate
“Yeah, glad the project went over well. Sounds like it was a big win for you.”
Repair it. Name what you did, own the impact, commit to a change. No "but," no justifying.
A strong answer: “I let leadership think that win was mine when it was your work. That wasn't fair to you, and I'd be frustrated too. I'm going to correct the record with them today.”
Free in your browser. Speak for 60 seconds and get feedback.
The short version
Name it, own the impact, commit to the change. The change is what rebuilds trust.
Practise it every day
This is one lesson from the Speaking With Empathy course in the Insight7 app, with a roleplay to rehearse the real conversation.