Speaking With Empathy
How to name someone’s feeling without assuming
Put a word to what they’re feeling without deciding it for them.
How to do it
Name it tentatively, not as a verdict. A guess they can correct feels warmer than a label you're sure about.
Spot the feeling
Read the tone and the words under the words. Tight voice, a flat "fine", a sigh: that's the feeling talking, not the sentence.
Name it tentatively
Offer the word softly. "It sounds like this is wearing you down" beats "You're stressed." A guess invites, a label corners.
Check it
Hand it back and let them fix it. "Am I reading that right?" If they say "more angry than tired," you just got closer.
What it sounds like
Colleague
“It's fine. I'll get through it, I always do.”
You
“It sounds less like fine and more like you're running on empty right now. Am I close, or is it something else?”
Practise it
Theo Nunez, teammate
“Yeah, the Barton account fell through. Whatever, it happens. On to the next one.”
Spot the feeling under the "whatever," name it tentatively, and check it. Don't tell him how he feels.
A strong answer: “That "whatever" sounds like it's covering something heavier. Months of work gone in a call stings. Am I reading that right?”
Free in your browser. Speak for 60 seconds and get feedback.
The short version
Spot it, name it soft, check it. A guess they can correct beats a label they can't.
Practise it every day
This is one lesson from the Speaking With Empathy course in the Insight7 app, with a roleplay to rehearse the real conversation.